They were new parents when he said: 'I have accepted that this body doesn't represent who I am I need to change how I present myself to the world. The revelation from the now ex-husband she only names as 'D' came at a point in Heminsley's life when she was already struggling with what it meant to be a woman: in short succession she had battled through infertility, IVF, a complicated pregnancy and a difficult birth. After all this, Heminsley hoped to settle down into contented family life.
Her baby boy was a happy, smiling soul. But that was when D's behaviour changed. Somebody to Love by Alexandra Heminsley tells the story of when Alexandra's husband revealed to her that he wanted to be a woman. She is pictured with her son in Brighton.
She knew that 'to be jealous of someone helping me was daft'. But, in response, Heminsley 'hid bottles of breast milk at the back of the fridge I wanted to be the one to give L my milk. Indeed, early in their relationship she had even asked outright if D was interested in transitioning. He had laughed off the suggestion, arguing that his colourful form of masculinity was one of thousands of ways a modern man could express himself.
But after their baby's birth, D's embrace of feminine style became 'more furtive'. He pretended his make-up was sunblock. He shaved his legs and flinched when Heminsley touched them. There were no clues β 'no dress I suspected had been worn in my absence, no form filled in with an unfamiliar name'. Instead, there was just evasion and creeping unhappiness.
When, finally, Heminsley told D he needed help, he said he was going to transition. D's decision ended their marriage. She felt 'waves of rage, relief, empathy and grief' sweep through her, leaving her 'flailing with a sort of emotional whiplash'. This book tells the story of how the family pictured together adjusted to the changes in their life. At times, she caught herself fearing she had been used 'merely as a vessel for reproduction'.
